Three years ago, someone told me, “we are both achievers; we just keep scoring”. These were the days when met Ann Miura-Ko, two young men proclaimed to have no personal life whatsoever. Now, he is settled to a nomadic but comfortable life; and me, once for a while, was trapped in the conformity of day to day living. But serendipitously enough, I was always able to get the right kick, and being vigilant to the status.
“Never settle down; never compromise; never accept the status quo”. The voice deep below repeats slowly and firmly. Never being able to adjust to the uncomfortable of life, I am thrived on the suffering of living. The phoenixes reborn from their ashes. The gorgeous Rome was built after the great fire. Only the suffering makes one stronger, mentally and physically.
A few years ago, when people asked me, “what do you want to do when grown up”. I wanted to do many things that are extraordinary. Now, I only want to craft one thing, but one thing that is bigger than myself. One thing that is so demanding will completely destroy me. One thing that can define a person, not the other way around.
Life is a trap; the world is my playground.
During a lunch a while ago, we’ve talked about how personal goals, especially these long term ones, motivated people. At that time, I had a vague feeling that some personal goals weren’t as important (objectively) as others, but failed to articulate.
Now I know that it is about personal attachments.
Fame, glory, even legends, can be pale if no person was attached to it. Personal experiences: what you’ve ate, where you’ve been, or who you’ve met, are empty without “me”. These carry as personal attachments with me.
I believe causes that are bigger than oneself. These causes, may be incomprehensible without humanity, or may not. But these won’t be washed out when a person is gone. When the Faberge family was gone, the Russian eggs last. No engineers were named, the sewer system of ancient Rome kept going for ages, and ages beyond. These are the craftsmanship that inspired me.
These worth of dying for; are bigger than one’s life; are my very own crafts.
 Personal experiences, to many people, including me, are overrated. We confused personal experiences with achievements; often are glared by over-reaching experiences as if it has certain importance in itself. But it has none. Experiences to me, in sober state, with perfect clarity, only carry utility value. It is something that you can rely on, your body is trained to, in certain extreme situations. Experience of piloting a jet-fighter has no practical meaning until the day you had to. Being to Mountain Everest is nothing to brag about, until when the world is icing. It is something that you collect even sleeping and only found the serendipitous value afterwards.
六年前被刘同学带着看各种暴力电影，Apocalypse Now，Sin City，Kill Bill……，直到最近看了Django Unchained，才觉得看Quentin Tarantino的暴力有些审美疲劳了。对了，那时候我还会算八卦呢。从清华辍学的那段时间，居然没有任何反应，还去看电影。想起来当时也确实是很休闲，每天就起床看书，炒股，晚上帮全寝室的同学下载AV。开始写意识流的文章了，六年前还真是丰富啊，在读过《激荡三十年》之后，居然还去蛇口参观感怀了一趟，见了小学时候喜欢的一个姑娘，感叹着被生活摧残得只剩下理想了，然后还写了篇情色小小说。
I was a little bit confused in the past month. Thought that for the next year, I should focus on gaining experience and planed along that way for a while. But now I am shaked up, and realized that I should still focus on being more knowledgable and improving my physical. Will have a self-driving car prototype done by the end of 2013.