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在那个学校已经生活了不短的一段日子了。旧旧的北京城偶尔有让人眼前一亮的玻璃建筑,然而骨子里还是旧旧的,比如五道口的那家Starbucks没有WLAN。
而我现在坐在一家阳光明媚透过窗户的小咖啡馆里面,享受着好心的店主用TP-LINK搭建的WLAN环境。这是在中关村步行街。原来中关村除了嘈杂的电脑市场,还有这样安静的放着音乐的一角,只是我在这里做iBT的题目显得很不和谐。
今天早上1点开始的拉练,使得我的脚彻底麻木了,所以在路上我一直喋喋不休,只是为了转移注意力,而给教官留下这孩子怎么这么吵的印象。
DCST的同学们要么过于成熟,要么过于幼稚。而我始终不相信活了这么多年还会有人真的是那么幼稚。而这里的环境却是万分的Sophisticated。原以为这是一个安心学术的地方,却还有好多纷扰的事情,而你能相信这里的很多大学生居然连正经的Paper都不会做么。
话说得这么杂,其实有很多话想说。
有时候觉得自己活得真累。寝室里有一个孩子要考iBT,打电话给父亲,然后以不容置疑的口气说“快点帮我报上10月份的iBT考试,否则就来不及了。”很羡慕他,因为我只能时刻关注着toefl.etest.edu.cn,给辅导员请假,然后花一个小时在工行开户存钱,再花一个小时在网上完成了报名程序,保存报名单,打印。
始终觉得,我的性格,我的沉潜,我的乖戾是在那三年的独立过程中锻炼出来的,而那16年的生活,父母的耳濡目染,才是我性格的真正原因。看着我灿烂的笑容和开玩笑玩世不恭的样子,原来我还是希望被当作孩子一样的保护着。
然而又常常想,和他们比起来,我可能累。他们的父母可以包办很多的事情,他们可以凭借意气指点江山,而我只能自己默默地做,默默地学着做,狼狈地做错,然后改正。然而,和另一些他们比起来,我又是如此轻松。我可以滔滔不绝地做着自己喜欢做的事情,因为父母虽然不能帮我做具体的事情,却在我身上花钱毫不吝惜。而那些他们,却还要为了自己的梦想,辛苦地打工挣钱,甚至将自己的梦想埋没在纷繁的事务中,他们毫无怜悯地不断改变自己的初衷,只是为了活着,或者说体面地活着。
活着,体面地活着并没有什么不对。而我不只是希望能体面地活着,我愿意将我的一生献给一个可以奉献一生的事业,那种与神所从事的类似的事业。
第一学期,我选修了“现代生物学导论”。
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